Monday, February 25, 2013

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters - Review by Stoner Cricket

This is Stoner Cricket Review, where we review movies for Stoners, Ents, and the like. In today's installment I review “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters.”

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters is just what the title says. Hansel and Gretel are abandoned by their parents. They then find a house made of candy and are enslaved by a witch. They soon burn the witch, and that starts their career of tracking and killing, or mostly burning, witches. They are soon hired by the mayor of a town where children have gone missing and witches are the main suspect.

This is a blog where we review movies on the big screen to let you know if it’s worth the use of your cookie, brownie, or tokes off your pipe, etc. We use the Reddit Ent Scale to represent how stoned we were during the viewing. On a scale from [1 to 10] during the viewing of Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, I would say I was about a [4].

Like I had said before my preferred method is to eat a brownie, cookie or some other kind of edible. I eat before the show, before even getting there, and by the time the show is starting it should be taking effect.

We came up with a rating system of up to 7 thumps up to let you know how much the movie is worth seeing baked. Is it worth the use of your trees? We don’t want your trees going to waste! The 7 thumbs up are determined by 3 categories: Effects, Plot, and Sound.

I give a thumb up for Sound. The special Effects for the movie were highly (lol!) entertaining. Much of the movie takes place outside. I really liked how it appeared to be filmed in a real, eastern European-looking forest. I appreciate attention to detail, especially when THC is attending to my details. The makeup and costumes were visually stimulating. The witches were made to look as ugly as witches should be. This movie also had plenty of blood and gore, not to mention witches on fire and exploding. I give 3 thumbs up for Special Effects. On to Plot, the movie did have a plot, including a beginning, middle and ... um... oh, yeah, an ending! The plot was not to difficult to follow. However, I felt the premise was kind of ridiculous. I was left with many questions, like where did Hansel and Gretel get their training and their weapons? When I think of the time period they are from (I don't remember one given), I don't think of anything more powerful than muskets. Another unusual feature of the plot was that Hansel had an affliction that he believed was given to him by the witch feeding him candy. In a way, it was  similar to being diabetic, since he would inject himself with a needle. But just how did he discover his affliction? Where did he learn to treat himself? If he was injecting himself with insulin, then where did he get it? Insulin wouldn't be discovered until a century after when the story is set. I didn't realize this movie had an R rating until there was a nude scene. I can see how the violence also earned the movie its R rating. However, I would say that the violence is really only a touch over PG-13. I would like to give it a least a half a thumb up, but I'm really not high enough to think about how weird that would be. So, Plot, no thumbs for you!

With a grand total of 4 out of 7 thumps up for Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters at a [4], Stoner Cricket is on the fence about this movie. You Ents might want to think about saving your Trees, but who knows? The Effects were cool, and the Trees might have been what made Hansel and Gretel as entertaining as it was!

Thanks for reading this installment of Stoner Cricket Review. Please leave a comment or your thoughts on the movie, and return to find upcoming reviews. Thanks for stopping by!

I’m Stoner Cricket.

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